threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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