How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
