There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
