Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
