Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
