I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
