We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
