I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
