So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
