I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
