If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
