i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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