Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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