Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
