did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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