I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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