I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
