I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
