Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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