btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You need a sexual gate keeper
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
