pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
