This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
