I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
