Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
