ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
