I'm lost and stupid without you.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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