Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
