Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
