Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
