I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
