dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
