he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
