he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
