3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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