Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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