if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
