I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
