youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My penis needs a shock collar
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
