I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
