Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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