So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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