I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So apparently I’m into choking now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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