Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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