just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
