Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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