I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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