theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
