Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
