Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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