duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
