M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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