So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
