oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
