yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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