Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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