did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
